Mini death to experience the field
Just home from a 1000k drive to take my kids back and had about 5 strong cups of coffee during the 12hour round trip so it’s now 00:30 and I decide to take 8mg of Galantamine and go for broke.
I am now in bed and have been waiting for around 40 minutes, that’s the normal time for it to start working. The first few pings and twinges are now arriving and it’s time to get serious.
One instant of observation and I am there, into the place. So fast I can’t say it’s a dream. Too quick and too fast, just there in mind space but how would I know where I am.
I deal to all the low level stuff, play around, and chat t a few people. I don’t try to sharpen up the dream senses as I don’t want a clear imitation of reality this time so I don’t exercise control and let it all stay a bit dim. I want to be un-grounded. I don’t want a hyped up human experience, plenty of that during the day.
I want to feel as a tree, be a tree, live as a tree, bond, be, feel and exist as a tree so I ask and I prime by letting go and then feeling for what is around me.
I see trees dimly around me, feel their life and they give me parts of themselves, hunks of branch and trunk, matter full of life. I take this in my hands, feel for it and let it be absorbed and it hurts. My hands and arms swell, I get strong and feel growth, a powerful swelling, life flowing but it’s not enough. It just feeling not being and I want more.
I now see a big old tree nearby and I lay against the trunk and ask to be part of the living tree. The answer is that it can’t assimilate me into itself so I give and accept a small death to lose human awareness and let the process begin.
I now lean in and again ask to be in and of the tree, the collective that is living energy and I lean back harder and start to be absorbed. I have long since lost “me” and there is no awareness of being human. It is all energy and matter. A thousand, million trillion cells all active and connected. An awareness of life without any me, a spark among this field of energy that joins the cells. The energy not the cells. The geometric pattern, living and moving and flowing is not the life, just the expression of it and energy precedes matter. I get this in some way and experience being part of this living field.
I accept the mini death that is life in another form and experience it without senses.
Total dream time approx. 80 minutes
This was an incredible experience, the letting go was difficult as it really felt like a small death and the transition was full of snakes of energy nipping and invading. The feeling during the transition has haunted me for most of my life as it is so invasive and can make me whimper in my dreams and take me out with a sweaty clammy wake up. A horrid invasive fizzing up your spine and a feeling like it will rip out it is so intense.
I feel really happy that this barrier is now broken and that I can explore in what I hope are deeper levels of mind.
The feeling of being part of the living field of energy is so hard to describe, no send of physical self but feeling of living and connection that lasts well beyond the dream. I will leave it here as I don’t have words to do it justice
Tadas Stumbly - Finger Tapping Study - associated dream
After 3 attempts over a couple of weeks I got lucid and completed the finger tapping tasks. Really happy to have helped and it was a relief to be able to get lucid. I failed twice and tried WBTB in the early hours today with no success and then got relaxed late morning in full daylight and drifted into a dream and then got lucid.
You just cant give up and need to just relax :D
Late morning lucid. I got up at 4am to try after WBTB with no success.
I did get lucid later in the morning in full daylight after relaxing and drifting into a dream. I got lucid by a reality check within the dream.
I am on a wharf looking at my boat moored below me, turnaround and then look back again and my boat is gone. I start searching for it and get confused but start to think I might be dreaming. I dont fully get it so wander away and into a shed next to the wharf.
A boy rides out of the shed on his bike behind me and then starts crying as the wheels disappeared off his bike. I think that if I was dreaming I could get him some new ones. I imagine for the fun of it and the wheels start to form up on the bike.
I laugh and I am lucid.
I recall that I am going to do some finger tapping for Tadas and so put out my hands in front of me. My fingers are a little blurred so I sharpen them up and then start. My fingers are in the air, no keyboard and I start tapping away. I go for a little time and then start to look around to keep the dream going, still tapping and from time to time bring my attention back to my fingers. They are nice and sharp and tapping away.
It now starts to get dark but I am not bothered by this and keep tapping in the darkness. I can still feel my fingers working in the pattern and keep going.
I think that I would like a sheet of glass in front of me like a screen and that I would like color to flow with each tap and so try to will this into the darkness. The scene comes back clear but with no structure, its just me in nothingness tapping away. I look to the air in front of me and see indents forming with each tap. They like small blue/red finger dents that a kid would put in plaster. I watch these form and then go in time to the finger tapping. This lasts for 30 - 40 sets of taps.
I now lose the lucid state and dream for a little of random events.
Wake up, feel great at the thought of getting the task completed